Asking for it

In my post about Dr. Barefoot, I forgot to mention another cool thing he did. In my senior year of college, I decided that I wanted to go to a mathematics conference in San Antonio, Texas. In some sort of fit of optimism not to be repeated until years later, I asked the math department head, Dr. Barefoot, if the department would pay for it. (Obviously, I couldn’t afford it.) He said yes! I went and it was marvelous and wondrous and completely over my head.

Which reminds me that I updated HOWTO Negotiate Your Salary and Benefits – for Women and the now defunct Val Henson Women in Computing Book Scholarship to reference Ask for It, the new book on negotiating techniques for women. The most important technique is to realize that you can ask for something at all. Happy asking!

Note: If you are planning to post something about how as a man, you are not good at asking either, or that men also need to get better at asking, I’d just like to let you know in advance that you are completely missing the point. Cheers!

6 thoughts on “Asking for it”

  1. HOWTO Negotiate Your Salary – I just sent this link to my sister, who was recently offered a part-time position with her old boss – he recently started a company, so she wanted advice. So, thanks! (I’m markflar’s fiancee, by the way.)

  2. But thats the point…

    we men usually don’t get the point (whether or not we are good at negotiating):). I plan to read the books anyway to figure out how I can better negotiate since I have been told several times “Jeez dude.. you negotiate like you’re a woman.. just go in there and ask dumbass.”

    And somehow I know that in saying that I have probably insulted XX people more.

  3. As a trans woman much of the way through transition I’m already seeing that the same diffidence, reluctance to negotiate, etc. that I’ve always had is putting me at a greater disadvantage when I’m dealing with people who perceive me as female. Intellectually I grasped the difference in treatment, but never as viscerally as now. It’s been an interesting uncontrolled experiment – my credentials are better now, I’m more confident and skilled in dealing with people, and yet there’s a steeper slope for me to climb.

  4. Ah neat – I’ve read Women Don’t Ask, but I didn’t know they had a website up. Thanks – I’ll pass these links along.

  5. Note: If you are planning to post something about how as a woman, you are not good at asking either, or that women also need to get better at asking, I’d just like to let you know in advance that you are completely missing the point. Cheers! One can either legitimise the nonsense that women (or africans or asians or …) are different from men (or …) in ways beyond the superficial physical form or reject it. Is the problem women don’t get ahead? Or is it something else? Something like, say, maybe, talent doesn’t find its level. I have no taste for redressing the balance so that as many under-talented women are promoted as under-talented men. As you say I must missing the point, one’s physical form _must_ be fundamentally important to the functioning of one’s mind and I’ve been fighting the wrong fight my whole life and should shut up and join the team. Cheerio!

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