Lazyweb: Laptop acceleration chirper

Dear Lazyweb,

I would like a program that checks the acceleration sensor on my laptop’s hard drive. When it experiences especially intense vibration, as of being slapped on my hip repeatedly as I run for the train, it chirps the PC speaker or plays a sound clip or otherwise audibly notifies me that my laptop is not, in fact, suspended. (At least modern hard drives no longer die when I do this.) Alternatively, it can chirp periodically when the lid is closed but AC is not connected. (Yes, I like to close my lid without suspending – sometimes I compile kernels while driving.) Something with a nice applet front-end for XFCE would be ideal. Thanks!